For an old friend

I get a little mad and at times I just quit
It might sound bad but I'm just sick of it
I wait so long and I try so hard
Just so much wrong and I'm always on guard
Lookin up then down cry without a sound
What I really found and don't ask around
Cause the second I do,tryin hard to believe its true
But the only thing i pursue it always seems to allude
My grasp my reach my voice my feet
The clasp that speech lost choice repeat
The time that was lost and the dreams I seek
What will it cost to get you here with me.
I can't lose a dime or a penny and such
But I'll spend all my time without many or much
If it gets me back to where ever you are
Then I don't need dreams cause I'll carry these scars
My scars are in place so I don't lose face
Memories of the skin as I watched it dig in
I'm glad your not here and glad you can't steer
My mind from my problems like the taste of this beer
My tolerance is rising but the endings not surprising
It's just all that I'm finding is a past that's rewinding
Yet all I can do is put my hopes in a few
Poor souls reading this and making some lists
Of the trauma I've got the diorama and plot
As the plot is thickenin' and the elevations sinkin' in
I'm living this lie, can't stop it, hands tied
Why stop shit when I can relate
Takin hits when I can't sedate
Just to take back all the things that were said
Trying to shake a sick feeling that's stuck in my head
I truely thought of suicide
Lost myself then
Many mistakes had to decide
Those times I couldn't comprehend
I'm no longer depressed
And I'm no longer in doubt
I rised above the mess
Cause I really figured out
What you never even blessed
This heart never left yours
My regret and nothingness
Are no longer in store
I'm writing all this down
This is my whole soul
I'll try to stick around
Can we make us a whole
This will never end
No matter how it goes
I'll always find you again
Cause you've been my only hope
If the texts don't send
Or I lose you it'll blow
But the truth, my friend
You never try = you never know